11 years to this day…(poem #25)

Maybe someday you will see,

how many chances you got,

and how many you crushed in the palm of your hand,

but you will never see,

the tears you forced me to cry,

and how every time you didn’t show,

a small part of me died,

because I looked at the world with big eyes,

and open arms,

and open hands,

but every time I reached out to you,

you slapped it away,

and replaced it with a materialistic world,

filled with drugs,

filled with alcohol,

filled with girls,

filled with sex,

filled with everything that has kept you where you are now…

You see you could be so much better,

and do so much more,

I’m not the only one who can go far,

I know this…

because you were my motivation,

when my world fell apart,

because when it got hard you didn’t give up,

you kept moving forward,

and you stood tall…

at least in the eyes of a scared 8 year old girl you did…

But that 8 year old girl is gone now,

She has grown up,

Been throw shit by the world,

been spit on,

stepped on,

pushed down

and had everything that you would hate to hear thrown in your face,

yeah she’s heard it all,

felt all the pain,

and for the longest time because you left she felt she deserved to be treated that way…

you see she felt unloved,

uncared for,

and worthless…

but now thing are different,

that little girl she grew,

she now sees what

love,

respect,

and worthiness are,

so today she is standing up for herself,

and that means to you to,

so here it is….

I am done chasing after the dream that you will come home,

No longer will I wait for you behind a curtain,

and cry when you don’t show,

I am done reaching out my hands and my heart,

Because you no longer have the right to break them,

It’s on you now,

You can come to me,

and find out what the meaning of family is,

because just because I am done chasing….

that doesn’t mean I’m done waiting….

So I will wait right here for you,

for you to come home,

because today marks the 11th year that I have waited,

and that was 11 years too long,

because you can’t chase a person who is running away,

you just have to wait,

for the day they grow tired,

and they come back,

for good,

forever,

no more so-long…

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