Forward is the only Option(Poem #88)

I feel like a broken record,

spinning of it’s track.

Like a railway car,

that wants to turn back,

but has figured out that the tracks I have been on have fallen apart,

and that forward is the only way to go,

even if it is into a tunnel,

without any sign of an end,

pushing forward is the only option,

til you reach a dead end……

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I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again…(Poem #87)

You and I started out as nothing,

two strangers who walked into the same building on the same day,

who’s lives simply collided for a moment,

in that second neither of us thought that this would change the course of our lives,

but it did,

that one moment turned into many,

it turned into shared stories,

shared pains,

tears,

emotions,

celebrations,

it turned into sharing parts of our lives together that others would never understand,

and yeah we get lost every now and then,

but in the end we know that no matter what we can always rely on each other to be there,

forever,

because those moments turned into a love that created a bond that nothing could break,

we became something stronger than time,

or distance,

we became friends,

friends that transformed into a family,

and today as my bloodline is falling apart,

I am proud to say that I know that my family will never truly fall apart because all of you will always be in my heart.

The whisper that Outweighs the Screams (Poem #71)

Mentally I understand it,

My brain can tell me a thousand times,

but my heart won’t listen,

it muffles out the screams,

and replaces them with whispers that echo through my soul.

I don’t know if that is a good thing,

or if all it will do is drive me insane…

Because my mind is screaming “HE DOESN’T WANT YOU!”

But my heart still clings to “Maybe someday he will……”

The things I still don’t know…(Poem #55)

Over the course of my short life I have learned quiet a bit,

and when reflecting on it the power of knowledge overwhelms me,

because to be honest with you I know I will never know enough to deal with everything I do,

I will always fall short,

and I will always make mistakes,

some big,

some small,

but mistakes none the less.

And at first this frightened me,

because it meant getting more bumps and bruises,

and falling down for the 112th time this year,

and getting back up for the 113th…

But it isn’t so scary anymore,

because I have found that the most beautiful part of life is not knowing…

It’s not knowing your best friend and you will not be friends in fours years,

it’s not knowing that the ex-boyfriend you thought you were in love with really was a piece of shit until it ended,

it’s not knowing that you are going to fall apart in a weak because you have no clue who you are,

it’s not knowing that you might not have kids in five years….or ever,

it’s not knowing the small details,

or the big moments in our life,

Because if we knew them,

what would be the point of living?

It would be like starting a book, 

and knowing how it ends before you even flip the first page….

So am I comfortable with not knowing what tomorrow brings?

HELL NO!

But am I ready?

YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM!

The fear of a little girl (Poem #43)

What is fear?

Why do we give it so much power over us?

And every time that we try to push it away,

it grasps at our throat and reminds us of the pain it can cause,

and how no matter how much we beg for it to let go,

it will decide when it will…

Why?

Why do we let this permeate our life?

If you ask me I am done with fear…

DONE!

I am sick of feeling like a scared little girl who is hiding under the blankets,

because somehow those blankets were supposed to soften the screams..

I AM DONE WITH THAT!

Fear will not control me,

I will not walk down the streets in fear that every person I see may hurt me,

I will not fear the figures I have always have,

they will not longer have the power…

You see we only give fear the power if we show it that we not nothing more than to breath while it is still in our lives…

Instead we need to show fear what we truly can do,

so instead of it pinning us to a wall,

we will stand up and show you who is bigger,

and who is in control…

I WILL CONTROL MY LIFE!

NOT MY FEARS,

NOT MY MEMORIES,

ME!

AND ME ALONE!

life quote photo: Quote tumblr_lao776rP8m1qc5fudo1_500.jpg

The things I have to thank you for…(poem #30)

I haven’t talked to you in over a month now,

       at first your anger hurt,

           but now I don’t mine it,

Because well, now you don’t really mean that much to me,

you are just a part of my past,

but still I feel like I need to thank you for a few things.

The things I have to thank you for…

1. My backbone, 

because we all know that the shit you put me through forced me to get one.

2. The songs I never heard,

The songs that used to not make sense,

You see they all make sense now,

and they have nothing to do with you…..

(and if they do I hope that they are the songs SCREAM MY NAME when you hears)

3. Fresh eyes to look at the world,

All the tears I cried over you really did cause my eyes to open,

and see that I deserve WAY more than you.

4. The fight in my soul,

You see how you ended it with me reminded me that I can fight back,

and that no one can control me,

like you did…..

5. My desire to only look forward,

Because let’s be honest all that looking back shows me 

is pain

mistakes

fights

screaming

and memories I can live without….

6. My heartache and heartbreak,

because when I fell apart,

guess who was the only one left to put me back together?

Yeah, that’s right, 

I WAS THE ONLY ONE THERE!

So guess who decided what I would become?

ME!!!

7. Showing me that what I thought I wanted wasn’t really what I needed….

Do I really need to explain this one?

8. That you showed me that tomorrow is going to be the best day of my life!

9. Lastly, that because of you,

I enjoy every day with him so so much more,

and enjoy the love he shows me,

Because HE DESERVES ME,

UNLIKE YOU!

Land of the Dreamers (poem #26)

People often question why I do what I do,

It doesn’t make sense to them,

Why I feel everything I do,

and I risk so much,

But there is a good reason,

I promise,

However,

that doesn’t mean it makes sense to you,

because it is just as crazy as why I feel what I do,

It’s because I live in the world of dreamers,

that maybe someday it will be better,

and that it will all work out,

a land where good always wins,

and where love is enough,

where happiness isn’t based off of success,

but rather on the state of the heart,

I live in a world of possibilities,

In a land of never end dreams,

You see I live,

in the land of tomorrow!

Kiss me slowly (Poem #22)

I want you to know something,

I want you to know that you are special,

and different,

and beautiful,

and unique,

and perfect,

because you are you,

and I would never ask for me.

Because being different,

and unique,

and human,

is what makes you perfect to me.

It’s the fact that you can fall down,

that you make mistakes,

that sometime you chew too loud,

that you feel so much,

and worry so much,

that you sometimes are crabby when you don’t sleep enough,

and that you get annoyed with me,

that you hate being tickled,

or that you were embarrassed about your birthmark,

that you has some skeleton in your closest,

that you have no idea what you want to do with your life,

but you know you want to be happy,

and that you have no idea where you are going,

but you know you don’t want to stay here forever,

and that you want to be independent,

just so you feel like you aren’t being held down..

I love how all of these things,

no matter how small,

make you you,

just like that freckle below your left eye makes me smile,

and how when you smile your right eye is slightly more squinted than your right,

I guess what I am saying is that I think for the first time in a long time I am actually falling in love,

not just lust,

and it is actual love,

not me giving up who I am to somehow make the world better for the other person,

but real love,

where we both can fall apart,

and we both know that the other person will be standing right next to us,

waiting for us to stand up again,

and that the other person won’t try to fix us,

but will just support us,

and hold us tight when we need them to,

will speak kind words,

whisper wisdom,

and never give up on us.

So I am grateful for you,

for this opportunity,

for the chance at forever with you by my side,

because that is the something to look forward to,

and that is why right now I am going to ask you for one thing,

will you come and do one thing for me,

baby will you kiss me slowly?

The wave (Poem #16)

There is a lot going on,

and that is an understatement…

but the reason it is all crashing down on you at once,

is so that it can erode all the things you don’t need away…

because otherwise you wouldn’t get ride of them,

so life is getting rid of them for you…

so thank the pressure,

thank the stress,

thank the difficulty,

Because tomorrow you will be better because of it.

So this is how it feel…(poem #14)

So this is how it feels,

when disaster strikes,

and everything you knew disappeared…

There is an overwhelming fear ,

and pain for what has been lost.

It would be easier if it was something materialistic,

like a house,

or jewelry,

but no this is worse…

this is much worse….

You see a house can be rebuilt with blueprint,

and Jewelry can be bought again,

but what happens when the walls you built,

and everything you called yourself 

suddenly gets thrown open and apart,

and you look around and all you see is the rubble of what you were,

every brick was a part of you,

and every stone you pick up brings back all the memories,

all the pain,

all the joy,

all the fears,

they bring back EVERYTHING!!

and you can’t hide from them anymore,

you’re skeletons are amoungst the rubble,

and you feel like you are living in a class house,

and all you want to do is cry out,

and fall to your knees and give up,

but as you fall you find the one brick that reminds you why you keep trying…

Suddenly there is a hand helping you stand up now,

and a voice saying “let’s keep that one”,

then you understand,

the tornado didn’t come to destroy you,

just destroy what you thought you were,

because what you thought was holding you back from who you could be,

the walls were too high and blinding you from the sun,

so yes the rubble is scary,

and as you rebuild yourself you will get cuts,

and splinters,

and bruises,

and scares,

and bleed a lot…

but in the end it will all be worth it,

because the sun will be shining on you from now on,

and you will have learned to dance in the rain,

and learn that some part of your house can be glass,

and that the things that held you back before can be thrown away,

and only the pieces you want to keep will be used,

because now you get to decide who you will be!