Porcelain Skin (Poem #150)

Daddy doesn’t like the piercings,

Says I am telling young men that I will do things,

That I am making an image I don’t understand of myself,

He doesn’t like the tattoos,

Says I will regret the ink,

That I am ruining my beauty…

Daddy you don’t understand,

The innocent beauty you are holding on to was taken from me at thirteen,

The metal doesn’t take away my ability to consent,

and by you stating that I am making an image of myself you made and excuse for the man you claimed you would kill when I told you what he did to me,

Daddy you hate the idea of someone’s hands touching me,

but you never asked what I wanted.

Daddy you don’t see that I use the ink and needles to replace the blade of a knife,

that I would rather make something beautiful out of the pain.

And daddy I thought you would be proud of me

because it is easier to explain a tattooed and pierced daughter

than one with scares and blood running down her arms.

Daddy why can’t you see past the ink and the metal,

Daddy let go of the little girl you think I am,

because I haven’t been a little girl for a long time,

Daddy why can’t you see that this is something much bigger than you will ever understand,

Daddy why can’t you accept ink stains on porcelain skin over blood stains on a broken heart?

 

Sometimes the nicest people you meet are covered in tattoos, while the most judgemental people you meet go to church on Sundays.:

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No one ever asked (poem #141)

1 in 5…

Why are people not more upset,

And jumping at their seats?

Why are we not screaming louder

So I am on not the only one who has to scream,

For seven years and counting

And since January 16th on…

They say that in seven year

My body will do a miracle

That every cell in my body will be made new

And every cell you once touched will no longer exist

So I sit here

Counting down the days until you have no longer touched my hand

But with each day I am reminded that you did much more than simply touch me

You took part of my soul

And that is something I can never take back…

Forget the fake that I trusted you

Forget the fact that I thought you cared

Because I thought you all cared

Yet for a month I walked around in fear

The fear that I would be called a liar and a bitch

That the blame would be put on me

So I took it

I said I cheated

And that it was all my fault

Because that is what the voices said

They told me I knew what was going to happen when I walked into that room

And maybe I shouldn’t have drank so much

But no one blamed you…

Not until they say the years flash before their eyes

And the tears stain my checks like ink…

No until I broke it was my burden to bare…

My burden that you raped me…

And to this day I have to live with the 13 pages that judge sent

Detail what he said were all my lies…

Why would I lied about this

Seriously when was the last time someone got robbed and you questioned if it really happened

You can replace what a robber took

Or fix wounds of an assault

But you can never fix me

Or replace  what I once had

Because rape it takes more from you than any man’s hands will ever grasp…

And it wouldn’t be so bad if this hasn’t happened before

If I could say I was the only one…

But one in five women

And one in thirty three men

Will feel the tearing not out of something they never knew they had….

The numbers are too high

These people shouldn’t be

People getting hurt

People just like me….