Four in one; cry for help….(Poem #102)

One tear fell,                                                                                          Quickly

by the rushing revine,                                                                     as it all rushes by

as the tall blond girl,                                                        never knowing what will happen next

let a scream petrude from her lips,                                        praying the answer will come

the last mercy call,                                                                    to anyone willing to listen,

and cry for help.                                                                       hopefully not onto deaf ears.

His hands shock,                                                                         Rapidly

as they twisted,                                                             grabbing at bits and piece

and knoted the rope,                                                       trying to keep it together

if it was too lose,                                                              everything would fall apart

he would suffer,                                                                         worse than before

too tight….                                                                             and it would be too late.

he is already dead….

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The tears we must cry…(Poem #82)

I know it is late,

and that nothing makes sense,

and that tears streaming down my face are just streams of confusion,

but I can’t help it,

I can’t hold it in,

the tears must fall,

and I must cry,

but for tonight will you hold me tight,

so that my tears will be the only thing falling apart.

Sorry for the Darkness (Poem #47)

They were right,

All of this feels the same again,

The sun may be shining but I do not feel it’s heat,

I do not rejoice in it’s light,

because when I got out of bed this morning,

all I could look forward to was getting back into it,

knowing I wouldn’t be able to sleep,

but rather just lay there in a permanent state of numbness…

You see I was doing ok,

I was fine,

and then I couldn’t stop it,

The tears started and never stopped,

because even when I am walking my heart keeps crying,

and my eyes they are dull,

they show nothing,

because all I feel…

IS NOTHING AT ALL.

I mean I know this will be over soon,

at least I hope it will,

because this time it isn’t as bad,

yet I still feel the need to apologize to everyone who sees me,

because it feels like they can see the dark cloud around me,

and I don’t want to ruin their sunshine,

but how can you not when all you want to do is get out of the rain?

I want to get out…

I WANT OUT!

I want to actually feel again,

not feel the ripples of the emotions I used to have,

I want them to be back.

So that is why I told you,

I told you I was falling apart,

So I am sorry for the darkness my love,

but please don’t be afraid of the dark,

it isn’t here to hurt you,

it’s here to torture me,

because you represent everything that is opposite of it to me,

So while I lay here in the darkness,

and I feel your warm on my neck,

I remember what it feel like when the sun beats down on me,

and I know I will get out of this again…

The cracks in the wall (Poem #46)

It’s nights that suck the most,

Because it means being alone,

in a dark room,

with no one to talk to,

no one to hear you…

Yet that is somehow all I have done these last few days,

I have sat here,

staring at the same cracks in the walls,

and the way the light changes,

because I don’t want to leave the comfort of my room,

not today,

today my mask isn’t thick enough,

my walls aren’t tall enough,

and my knees are too weak to hold even the strong of heart….

So I lay here,

tears rolling down my face,

staring into the endless concept of emptiness and nothingness,

and in these moments,

I feel as if,

I don’t exist….

Someone remind me(poem #11)

Can someone please remind me,

what life was like before,

Before I had this sickness,

Before I had to fight this war…

Because it’s tearing me apart,
and I wish it was limb for limb,

because losing an arm,

is way better than losing your mind…

and getting shot in the shoulder,

feels nothing like going insane,

because wounds will heal…

but the thoughts never go away….

So someone please tell me,

What life is like,

When it’s not tainted and scared,

By a depression filled life,

What is like to go years without sadness,

that protrudes on all your joy?

What’s it like to be trusting?

What’s it like to love your body,

your soul,

and your mind?

What’s it like to be normal?

What’s it like to have a piece of mind?

So maybe I’m crazy…

but maybe I’m not…

The things for sure is…

I’m depressed….

And it sucks….

like a lot…