I don’t know if this should even count as a poem or more of a rant…(poem #40)

I wanted to challenge myself to something new,

So for the next few minutes I am going to close my eyes and type all of the thoughts that go through my head…

Ready?

Go!

1. I love the sound of rain, and the mixture of bird calls, thunder and raindrops that the rainy moods website is using tonight.

2. I hate being sick, and having a fever really put a damper on my day. I felt so weak and useless. Honestly being an adult and being sick sucks because when we are little we have our parents around to help take care of us and make sure that even though we physically feel like crap we don’t have to mentally as well…

3. I miss my dog terribly…he is my best friend and somehow he always knew how to make me feel better no matter how hard the situation got.

4. Sleep and I have a love hate relationship…I am a college kid so this shouldn’t surprise me.

5. I am really confusing myself now…here is why. I looked on a job posting sight through my school and was genuinely upset that all of the after-school positions to help out with elementary and high school programs were “work study” only…why is this confusing, well I thought I hated children, but alas I see I do not.

6. I am not sure if this should even count as a poem really, because it is more of a rant.

7. I miss the show Boy Meets World…and other kids shows I mean seriously kids shows kind of went down the toilet recently.

8. I want to inspire people, not just have them like me. Because people liking you well is rather insignificant when the world is filled with people we “like”, but not many that we want to “be like”. A child needs a role model and someone who seems like a superhero to them not like barbie. I want to change the world in the eyes of a child to inspire them to truly become anything they want not just what people say. So become a vet, an astronaut, a archaeologist, or whatever your dream was…become your own superhero.

9. I think I found what love is…and it scares me to death.

10. Yup this is defiantly a rant and not a poem, haha but I am the author so I get to pick what I call it right!

Why did I believe the lie I that I am ugly? (Poem #39)

I looked in the mirror today,

and saw a million flaws…

1. My nose is too big

2. My eyebrows are too bushy

3. My bottom lip isn’t proportional to my upper lip

4. My hair is too frizzy and whenever I straighten it it never stays that way

5. There are too many zits on my face

6. My chest isn’t big enough

7. My stomach won’t go away

8…..9….10….

You get the point…

I stared in the mirror and saw all the things I have been told were not pretty enough.

I have fallen to the part of society that has choked me since I was 11 years old,

I took at the things that were thrown at me and,

though they did not break my bones,

they left bruises.

I did suffer depression,

I did suffer from an eating disorder,

I did put myself through and unhealthy amount of physical work,

I put myself through everything I could think of in order to make myself feel pretty…

Why am I doing this?

Why do I believe this?

When I was a little girls,

I thought I was beautiful,

with my blue eyes

and crazy blond hair,

but one day those eyes weren’t enough,

and the crazy hair needed to be tamed.

But FUCK THAT!!!!

FUCK THE WORLD FOR TELLING ME I NEED TO BE PERFECT,

AND FAKE TO BE BEAUTIFUL!

I honestly felt like throwing my mirror across the room and watching it smash to a million pieces,

I would have loved to break my hand breaking that mirror if it reminded me that I am a beautiful person,

because I did believe that before,

I believed I was a beautiful princess who deserved a man who would see me as a beautiful queen.

But instead of destroying that mirror I did something else,

I looked back in the mirror,

and looked harder at myself,

and this is what I saw,

1. My eyes are a mix of blue, gold, grey, and are extremely unique

2. My nose is perfectly sized for my nose ring to sit in a place that brings summitry to my face

3. My eyebrows make my eyes pop when I manage them

4. My lips are the perfect shape to show more emotion than I could imagine

5. My waist size is healthy

6. My boobs are proportionate and if I wanted them to get any bigger I would have to gain more weight

7. My body is more than the sexualized image of what a women should be

8. I am beautiful

9. I am pretty

10. I am unique