The things I still don’t know…(Poem #55)

Over the course of my short life I have learned quiet a bit,

and when reflecting on it the power of knowledge overwhelms me,

because to be honest with you I know I will never know enough to deal with everything I do,

I will always fall short,

and I will always make mistakes,

some big,

some small,

but mistakes none the less.

And at first this frightened me,

because it meant getting more bumps and bruises,

and falling down for the 112th time this year,

and getting back up for the 113th…

But it isn’t so scary anymore,

because I have found that the most beautiful part of life is not knowing…

It’s not knowing your best friend and you will not be friends in fours years,

it’s not knowing that the ex-boyfriend you thought you were in love with really was a piece of shit until it ended,

it’s not knowing that you are going to fall apart in a weak because you have no clue who you are,

it’s not knowing that you might not have kids in five years….or ever,

it’s not knowing the small details,

or the big moments in our life,

Because if we knew them,

what would be the point of living?

It would be like starting a book, 

and knowing how it ends before you even flip the first page….

So am I comfortable with not knowing what tomorrow brings?

HELL NO!

But am I ready?

YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM!

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Someone remind me(poem #11)

Can someone please remind me,

what life was like before,

Before I had this sickness,

Before I had to fight this war…

Because it’s tearing me apart,
and I wish it was limb for limb,

because losing an arm,

is way better than losing your mind…

and getting shot in the shoulder,

feels nothing like going insane,

because wounds will heal…

but the thoughts never go away….

So someone please tell me,

What life is like,

When it’s not tainted and scared,

By a depression filled life,

What is like to go years without sadness,

that protrudes on all your joy?

What’s it like to be trusting?

What’s it like to love your body,

your soul,

and your mind?

What’s it like to be normal?

What’s it like to have a piece of mind?

So maybe I’m crazy…

but maybe I’m not…

The things for sure is…

I’m depressed….

And it sucks….

like a lot…