I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again…(Poem #87)

You and I started out as nothing,

two strangers who walked into the same building on the same day,

who’s lives simply collided for a moment,

in that second neither of us thought that this would change the course of our lives,

but it did,

that one moment turned into many,

it turned into shared stories,

shared pains,

tears,

emotions,

celebrations,

it turned into sharing parts of our lives together that others would never understand,

and yeah we get lost every now and then,

but in the end we know that no matter what we can always rely on each other to be there,

forever,

because those moments turned into a love that created a bond that nothing could break,

we became something stronger than time,

or distance,

we became friends,

friends that transformed into a family,

and today as my bloodline is falling apart,

I am proud to say that I know that my family will never truly fall apart because all of you will always be in my heart.

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The night (Poem #68)

As the moon rises high in the dark barren sky,

A tear falls down that no one should have cried,

Pain is felt that has been kept inside,

And loneliness sinks in with each second that goes by,

For night time means darkness,

Unless your out for a drink,

But even a bar is sometimes lonelier than you think,

Becasue every soul is searching for something we can never grasp,

Whether it is riches, money, happiness, or success.

Every soul is running toward something new to have,

And everyone can sometimes forget the beauty that night has.

For in the darkness you can cherish the soft breath by your side,

or a warm memory that helps keep you warm at night,

or even the fact the we have a dollar or two to spend on a day,

or just the fact that we are made to cherish both the night and the day.

A change of lights and memories (Poem #58)

The lights change,

fading from blues to reds,

and dance across the ceiling,

with each change of color my mind drifts in and out of a dream,

It drifts from memories of my dog,

a hug from my father,

to all the memories I made with you.

All these memories make me smile,

and bring a calming sense of peace,

because these memories and lights give me a break from the pains of my life,

and bring feeling of joy back to my life.

The things I still don’t know…(Poem #55)

Over the course of my short life I have learned quiet a bit,

and when reflecting on it the power of knowledge overwhelms me,

because to be honest with you I know I will never know enough to deal with everything I do,

I will always fall short,

and I will always make mistakes,

some big,

some small,

but mistakes none the less.

And at first this frightened me,

because it meant getting more bumps and bruises,

and falling down for the 112th time this year,

and getting back up for the 113th…

But it isn’t so scary anymore,

because I have found that the most beautiful part of life is not knowing…

It’s not knowing your best friend and you will not be friends in fours years,

it’s not knowing that the ex-boyfriend you thought you were in love with really was a piece of shit until it ended,

it’s not knowing that you are going to fall apart in a weak because you have no clue who you are,

it’s not knowing that you might not have kids in five years….or ever,

it’s not knowing the small details,

or the big moments in our life,

Because if we knew them,

what would be the point of living?

It would be like starting a book, 

and knowing how it ends before you even flip the first page….

So am I comfortable with not knowing what tomorrow brings?

HELL NO!

But am I ready?

YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM!

Beautifully Insane(Poem #32)

I know my past wasn’t that hard,

and the the trials I faced are minor compared to some,

but still I can not fathom how people can look at me and tell me not to be sad,

because just because my life wasn’t as bad as others,

doesn’t mean it wasn’t bad,

It was just different…

I mean I don’t expect everyone to understand,

but I expect them to respect it,

because it isn’t their story,

or their pain,

or there memories that haunt them,

they are mine!

So don’t tell me I can’t be sad,

or lonely,

or happy,

or scared,

because you haven’t walked a mile in my shoes,

and even if you did it wouldn’t be enough,

because honey,

A MILE IS NOWHERE CLOSE TO A LIFETIME!

So I am sorry I am angry,

and that I spit words with poison and wine,

but it is because I am scared,

again,

just like everyday,

but I am taking life one baby step at a time.

So remember,

everyone can feel how they want,

and has the right to say so,

so don’t judge them,

just love them,

listen,

let their tears flow,

because when someone is crying out,

we don’t want to be told how to feel,

we just want to know we aren’t crazy,

or alone,

and that no matter what,

we are worth it,

and normal,

and perfectly sane,

we are human,

we are loved,

we are beautifully insane.

A colorful world (poem #31)

I wish we could all see the world,

Like everyone should,

A view without judgement,

A world that is not colorblind,

But embraces the color,

And actually see the differences as beauty,

rather than faults.

A world that sees everyone as individuals,

not as numbers,

or as just another face in the crowd,

but a face that represents a story,

and memories,

and scares,

but that all of that doesn’t define the person,

rather just improves them and brought them to where they are today.

Because the world isn’t colorless,

it is filled with color,

and pain,

and joy,

and memories,

the world is filled with people,

individuals,

beating hearts,

that are all here for a very beautifully unique reason,

and I would never ever want the world to be seen in a different way!

Wish me luck (poem #29)

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I had to sit down today,

and look long and hard,

at this person I show the world,

and all the pain behind it.

You see I know I have built up walls,

and I have hidden behind them for so long,

that it is scary when I look through them,

it is almost like I am looking back into the eyes of the 13 year old me,

and that little girls was scared,

hurt,

and alone.

I don’t want to be here again,

and I never want to see it again,

I don’t want to see the world through frightened eyes,

I want to be strong,

and stand tall..

Like I am now.

You see the walls helped me stay strong,

and then I made myself strong,

Now as the walls come crashing down, 

I don’t know what hides behind them,

could it be monsters?

or could it be angels?

I don’t know…

but I guess it is time to find out…

Wish me luck!

The Origin of Music(poem #24)

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Every great song starts with a melody,

a few notes to make a tune,

a gracious hand strumming along,

to the beat of the heart,

and the whispers of the soul,

that feed the memories,

that were translated to the notes.

You see music is a language,

a deeply routed word,

that no matter the tongue in which it is spoken,

still somehow translates what it means,

because music is more than words,

and more than simply note,

Music is the gateway,

to our hearts,

to our memories,

to our souls.

Signed Sincerely with Love(poem #13)

As I sit in my room,

Alone…

waiting for something magical to happen,

or a light-bulb to appear,

I know something is happening,

even if it is deep inside.

It is something beautiful,

yet it is scary,

and I don’t know how to react.

Because how do you tell someone that you are willing to drop everything to make them happy,

or that somehow no matter how far away they are you can still feel them,

and that no matter how you feel there is something that aches once they leave…

How do you tell them that…..

Or even worse how do you tell them that no matter what they did to you,

you forgive them…

but somehow you don’t want them anymore…

and that you need to move on with your life,

and that for some reason they aren’t going to be as big of a part of it…

and that no matter how bad it hurt you,

they did leave,

and you tried waiting for them,

but you can’t wait for a superhero,

because superheros aren’t real,

and they won’t come flying in to save you…

Because songs like these aren’t real,

the world tears you apart,

and takes the things you hold dear and shreds them,

just to show you that you can go on without them…

that somehow you were strong enough all along on your own,

and that you need to stop taking them in like medicine,

because you aren’t sick,

you are healthy and strong,

and you are the only thing holding you back.

So I would have followed you where you go,

but I can’t…

I just couldn’t do that for you….

I thought I could,

but I see now that I wasn’t supposed to,

and I guess why I am saying this, 

all these months later,

is because I have been to scared to say it before…

that maybe I am better off without you,

and that we weren’t meant to be like we thought…

But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you…

It just means that I need to care about me too,

and that sometimes the things that tastes the sweetest at the time are the things that are rotting us away…

So when you got on that plane,

and you flew away into your life…

just know I didn’t hold any resentment,

and that I did cry many tears,

because I knew in that moment that our life had said goodbye,

And that the next day when I awoke I cried even more,

because walking away from a three year relationship wasn’t something easy to do,

and neither was seeing the pictures of you in your dress blues….

So I respect you my dear,

and rightfully so,

but it’s time for me to say goodbye,

and both of us to let go…

Because my life is getting better now,

and I still wish you were here,

but as a friend not a lover,

but that is something I fear,

I fear you can’t handle that,

and that you will lose sight of what we are now….

because we never will be together again….

and we are over now.

So I salute you my soldier,

I applaud you honorable marine,

but please move on now,

go find what you need..

Because I found what I need,

And I am moving on with my life,

and I am learning what happiness is,

I’m learning what it means to live life…..

and that is what I want for you,

I want you to see,

the beauty in the flowers

and the smiles in the breeze…

Because you deserve happiness,

and you deserve love,

but that isn’t something I can give you,

I’m sorry.

Signed sincerely….with love.