The things I still don’t know…(Poem #55)

Over the course of my short life I have learned quiet a bit,

and when reflecting on it the power of knowledge overwhelms me,

because to be honest with you I know I will never know enough to deal with everything I do,

I will always fall short,

and I will always make mistakes,

some big,

some small,

but mistakes none the less.

And at first this frightened me,

because it meant getting more bumps and bruises,

and falling down for the 112th time this year,

and getting back up for the 113th…

But it isn’t so scary anymore,

because I have found that the most beautiful part of life is not knowing…

It’s not knowing your best friend and you will not be friends in fours years,

it’s not knowing that the ex-boyfriend you thought you were in love with really was a piece of shit until it ended,

it’s not knowing that you are going to fall apart in a weak because you have no clue who you are,

it’s not knowing that you might not have kids in five years….or ever,

it’s not knowing the small details,

or the big moments in our life,

Because if we knew them,

what would be the point of living?

It would be like starting a book, 

and knowing how it ends before you even flip the first page….

So am I comfortable with not knowing what tomorrow brings?

HELL NO!

But am I ready?

YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM!

I thought of you today…(poem #35)

Here are the instances I thought of you today:

I thought of you when I walked back to my room to go to bed,

and how you saying goodnight reminded me that I am the last person you talked to today.

I thought of you whenever i look down at my phone,

and I see those big brown eyes look up at me,

and those eyes entrance me.

I thought of you as I stood in line at starbucks with my pink bag in hand,

and how you would make fun of me for being a “basic white girl”.

I thought of you as I took a nap,

and grabbed the stuffed animal you bought me,

and how happy it made me that you bought something for me because you thought I would like it,

and becuase you knew it would have a meaning to me.

I thought of you as I saw you walk away to go volunteer,

and how honorable that is,

and how amazing it is that you give your time to others

even when you have so little time for yourself.

I thought of you today when I got out of the shower,

and saw my makeup running down my face,

and how you would still call me beautiful.

I thought of you when I took a sip of my peppermint mocha,

and how much you loved the peppermint hot chocolate I made you,

and how you give me the same warm feeling that drinking it did.

I thought of you with every love song my spotify station is playing as I write this,

because I know now that I am hopelessly falling in love with you,

and every part of you.

I thought of you as I wrote an assignment for class about traveling,

and how I want to go see the world,

but it would be so lonely if you weren’t there.

I thought of you today…

and I never stopped.