I don’t understand why you don’t get it
I don’t want to see your face,
I don’t want to hear your voice,
or speak your name!
Let alone sit across from you,
look into your cold eyes,
and listen as you say those lies,
that I wanted this,
That somehow this is all my fault!
I don’t need you to say it,
I already know,
the lies are screamed in my face,
and they drip down the mirrors,
as my tears stain my face,
I can already see,
You throwing this in my face is unnecessary,
because I already can’t forgive me.
I looked in the mirror today,
and saw a million flaws…
1. My nose is too big
2. My eyebrows are too bushy
3. My bottom lip isn’t proportional to my upper lip
4. My hair is too frizzy and whenever I straighten it it never stays that way
5. There are too many zits on my face
6. My chest isn’t big enough
7. My stomach won’t go away
You get the point…
I stared in the mirror and saw all the things I have been told were not pretty enough.
I have fallen to the part of society that has choked me since I was 11 years old,
I took at the things that were thrown at me and,
though they did not break my bones,
they left bruises.
I did suffer depression,
I did suffer from an eating disorder,
I did put myself through and unhealthy amount of physical work,
I put myself through everything I could think of in order to make myself feel pretty…
Why am I doing this?
Why do I believe this?
When I was a little girls,
I thought I was beautiful,
with my blue eyes
and crazy blond hair,
but one day those eyes weren’t enough,
and the crazy hair needed to be tamed.
But FUCK THAT!!!!
FUCK THE WORLD FOR TELLING ME I NEED TO BE PERFECT,
AND FAKE TO BE BEAUTIFUL!
I honestly felt like throwing my mirror across the room and watching it smash to a million pieces,
I would have loved to break my hand breaking that mirror if it reminded me that I am a beautiful person,
because I did believe that before,
I believed I was a beautiful princess who deserved a man who would see me as a beautiful queen.
But instead of destroying that mirror I did something else,
I looked back in the mirror,
and looked harder at myself,
and this is what I saw,
1. My eyes are a mix of blue, gold, grey, and are extremely unique
2. My nose is perfectly sized for my nose ring to sit in a place that brings summitry to my face
3. My eyebrows make my eyes pop when I manage them
4. My lips are the perfect shape to show more emotion than I could imagine
5. My waist size is healthy
6. My boobs are proportionate and if I wanted them to get any bigger I would have to gain more weight
7. My body is more than the sexualized image of what a women should be
8. I am beautiful
9. I am pretty
10. I am unique
Just don’t even try anymore,
You don’t know me darling,
You don’t know my life…
So before you open your mouth,
and start to spread lies about my life,
look at the facts…
The last time we talked was years ago,
The only things you see that I say are on social media,
and the stories you hear are from people who don’t care,
don’t like me,
or just don’t understand me…
So please just close your precious lips,
and focus on something more important to you.
Because I shouldn’t be…
because you aren’t important to me….
But I forgive you don’t worry,
because I don’t live in the past….
and that is were you are to me now…
In my past….
And you will never be a part of my future,
or the beautiful thing I will become…
So it is your lose hun….
But for your own sake,
stop the lies,
close your mouth,
open your mind,
and move on…