Time to move on (poem #53)

I’m sorry,

I know this is hard for you,

to see me move on,

and keep going with my life,

when life seems to stand still for you,

and you keep running but don’t go anywhere.

I’m sorry,

I know how you feel,

the depression that sets in,

the pain and hurt is overwhelming,

and it leads to the feeling of being lost,

because the floor you stood on completely fell apart.

I’m sorry,

that I have to remind you of your place,

and that place is not right beside me,

but behind me,

because you are my friend…

and that is all you ever can or will be….

Wish me luck (poem #29)

breaking down walls photo: Break Walls Down broken20hearted20wall.jpg

I had to sit down today,

and look long and hard,

at this person I show the world,

and all the pain behind it.

You see I know I have built up walls,

and I have hidden behind them for so long,

that it is scary when I look through them,

it is almost like I am looking back into the eyes of the 13 year old me,

and that little girls was scared,

hurt,

and alone.

I don’t want to be here again,

and I never want to see it again,

I don’t want to see the world through frightened eyes,

I want to be strong,

and stand tall..

Like I am now.

You see the walls helped me stay strong,

and then I made myself strong,

Now as the walls come crashing down, 

I don’t know what hides behind them,

could it be monsters?

or could it be angels?

I don’t know…

but I guess it is time to find out…

Wish me luck!

11 years to this day…(poem #25)

Maybe someday you will see,

how many chances you got,

and how many you crushed in the palm of your hand,

but you will never see,

the tears you forced me to cry,

and how every time you didn’t show,

a small part of me died,

because I looked at the world with big eyes,

and open arms,

and open hands,

but every time I reached out to you,

you slapped it away,

and replaced it with a materialistic world,

filled with drugs,

filled with alcohol,

filled with girls,

filled with sex,

filled with everything that has kept you where you are now…

You see you could be so much better,

and do so much more,

I’m not the only one who can go far,

I know this…

because you were my motivation,

when my world fell apart,

because when it got hard you didn’t give up,

you kept moving forward,

and you stood tall…

at least in the eyes of a scared 8 year old girl you did…

But that 8 year old girl is gone now,

She has grown up,

Been throw shit by the world,

been spit on,

stepped on,

pushed down

and had everything that you would hate to hear thrown in your face,

yeah she’s heard it all,

felt all the pain,

and for the longest time because you left she felt she deserved to be treated that way…

you see she felt unloved,

uncared for,

and worthless…

but now thing are different,

that little girl she grew,

she now sees what

love,

respect,

and worthiness are,

so today she is standing up for herself,

and that means to you to,

so here it is….

I am done chasing after the dream that you will come home,

No longer will I wait for you behind a curtain,

and cry when you don’t show,

I am done reaching out my hands and my heart,

Because you no longer have the right to break them,

It’s on you now,

You can come to me,

and find out what the meaning of family is,

because just because I am done chasing….

that doesn’t mean I’m done waiting….

So I will wait right here for you,

for you to come home,

because today marks the 11th year that I have waited,

and that was 11 years too long,

because you can’t chase a person who is running away,

you just have to wait,

for the day they grow tired,

and they come back,

for good,

forever,

no more so-long…

Strength is…(poem #18)

Strength isn’t about never showing your fears,

or never crying,

or holding on too long.

Strength is about

letting go when it is the right time,

about showing when you are scared,

but powering through it anyways,

about holding on to til the right time,

about showing others you have fears,

but they will not control you.

Strength is being yourself,

no matter what,

no matter how hard it is…

Strength is YOU!

Something about a that chair (Poem #15)

Sitting in a room,

talking to someone you barely know…

It’s hard…

That’s putting it nicely.

You see the room becomes all that more intersting,

because you are avoiding all the thoughts that crawl on those walls,

and you wonder how many sad stories that wind could whisper if the windows were open,

and how many tear the chairs have caught,

or how many times someone has fallen apart and left everything that was broken lying on that floor….

So to say the least the room is ominous…

but something about them breaks you down,

as if you didn’t say everything you have been holding back,

that somehow you would be letting the room down…

and then it starts,

You just open up!