Words my soul can not say…(Poem #62)

I wish I had the words,

but they won’t come out,

instead everything I know how to say is said,

and now….now I have nothing left to say,

yet my heart is crying,

my soul is screaming,

But it just comes out as a mixed language I can not explain,

And when I try…all that comes out are tears,

and the tears don’t tell the story I want them to.

They can not say I am sorry,

and that I will change,

all they show is desperation and pain.

The cracks in the wall (Poem #46)

It’s nights that suck the most,

Because it means being alone,

in a dark room,

with no one to talk to,

no one to hear you…

Yet that is somehow all I have done these last few days,

I have sat here,

staring at the same cracks in the walls,

and the way the light changes,

because I don’t want to leave the comfort of my room,

not today,

today my mask isn’t thick enough,

my walls aren’t tall enough,

and my knees are too weak to hold even the strong of heart….

So I lay here,

tears rolling down my face,

staring into the endless concept of emptiness and nothingness,

and in these moments,

I feel as if,

I don’t exist….

Stop turning (Poem #27)

I would just like to take a moment,

To breath,

And step back,

Because things get kind of overwhelming,

And everything needs to just slow down,

I need a rose to smell,

A hand to hold,

A moment to just walk down a street and smile,

So please world,

stop turning,

and let me enjoy this one last dance…

Like the rain (Poem #23)

Yes I remember,

I remember what it is like to feel,

to cry,

to lose myself in the sound of the rain,

I remember the feeling of the tears,

mixing with the raindrops,

and how the thunder muffled my screams,

and how hard it poured,

how much I wanted so badly to just have the rain wash me away,

yes I remember all of that…

I remember how it all began,

and how far it went,

and how dark it got,

and how many people I pushed away,

I also remember how many people left,

or said I just wanted attention,

but that wasn’t it.

I remember it like a knife,

cutting through my wrist,

like it once did,

but that is the thing,

I remember it,

I don’t feel it now,

I don’t want the rain to melt me,

Instead I dance in it,

and smile as the water rushes down my cheeks,

because the rain means a renewal,

and new day,

and growth.

I have moved on,

I have moved forward,

and yeah sometimes the dark clouds come back,

but I can know that the sun is hiding right behind it,

and that the glow of the moon is enough to show me through the night.

Because I am more than my depression every way,

and more than it ever will be,

because I am me,

and that is pretty damn great if you ask me.

Someone remind me(poem #11)

Can someone please remind me,

what life was like before,

Before I had this sickness,

Before I had to fight this war…

Because it’s tearing me apart,
and I wish it was limb for limb,

because losing an arm,

is way better than losing your mind…

and getting shot in the shoulder,

feels nothing like going insane,

because wounds will heal…

but the thoughts never go away….

So someone please tell me,

What life is like,

When it’s not tainted and scared,

By a depression filled life,

What is like to go years without sadness,

that protrudes on all your joy?

What’s it like to be trusting?

What’s it like to love your body,

your soul,

and your mind?

What’s it like to be normal?

What’s it like to have a piece of mind?

So maybe I’m crazy…

but maybe I’m not…

The things for sure is…

I’m depressed….

And it sucks….

like a lot…