The fork in the road (Poem #92)

When I look at you:

I see a house on the hill,

with a fence,

a dog,

and two little girls,

squealing with joy as they swing,

knowing you will soon e home,

and there is nothing to fear,

because you breath security,

Stability

and a guarantee comfortable future,

no bumps or bruises,

or monsters under the bed,

you radiate the world I have always wanted in my head.

Yet when I look at them:

I see fire and lights shows,

Saturday  night raves,

nights I won’t remember,

and times I slept for days,

struggles to get by,

and small apartment with the faint smell of weed,

an unexpected child,

who rides through public school,

was never handed the world,

and fell down,

got bruised, punched and kicked in the stomach,

but always had a rough, caring hand to help them back up,

it isn’t perfect or pretty,

but it sure is a sight.

Looking back and forth,

ti becomes very clear,

these are two options for my life,

but which one I want more,

I can’t quiet decide.

The things I still don’t know…(Poem #55)

Over the course of my short life I have learned quiet a bit,

and when reflecting on it the power of knowledge overwhelms me,

because to be honest with you I know I will never know enough to deal with everything I do,

I will always fall short,

and I will always make mistakes,

some big,

some small,

but mistakes none the less.

And at first this frightened me,

because it meant getting more bumps and bruises,

and falling down for the 112th time this year,

and getting back up for the 113th…

But it isn’t so scary anymore,

because I have found that the most beautiful part of life is not knowing…

It’s not knowing your best friend and you will not be friends in fours years,

it’s not knowing that the ex-boyfriend you thought you were in love with really was a piece of shit until it ended,

it’s not knowing that you are going to fall apart in a weak because you have no clue who you are,

it’s not knowing that you might not have kids in five years….or ever,

it’s not knowing the small details,

or the big moments in our life,

Because if we knew them,

what would be the point of living?

It would be like starting a book, 

and knowing how it ends before you even flip the first page….

So am I comfortable with not knowing what tomorrow brings?

HELL NO!

But am I ready?

YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM!

What is love? (poem #8)

People have this misconceptions that love is all about roses,

and smiles,

and happiness…..

but that isn’t what love is.

Love is hardship,

holding on tight.

It’s about screaming at each other,

and fogetting why you you were ten minutes later.

It’s about apologizing for your wrongs,

and giving up on things you thought you could never let go because you need to hold on to each other instead.

It’s about celebrating joys,

along with morning tears.

It’s about telling each other how you feel,

and making sure you never make them feel that way again…

at least not for the same reason.

It’s about saying your sorry,

and meaning…

It’s about learning the hard way,

And not always taking the easy way out,

because the easy way isn’t always the best way…

Sometimes you have to take the hard way,

And have hard conversations,

because it is from the hard conversations that true love actually comes through.

You see love isn’t made of all sunshine and rainbows,

Love is the silly feeling you get when you see them smile,

It’s the desire in the middle night that you get when you are a lone just to see them,

The twinkle in your eye when you smile because they are around,

When you cry you want nothing more than to be in their arms,

Wearing sweatpants and no makeup and cuddling,

Holding on to them all night because laying next to them is a better than dreaming,

It’s even though you are sad you know that they will somehow make you smile…

But most importantly you know that no matter what you say,

what you do,

what you think,

or how hurt you are,

YOU WANT TO BE WITH THEM EVERY MOMENT,

OF EVERY DAY,

JUST BECAUSE YOU LOVE THEM,

AND YOU COULD NEVER ASK FOR ANYTHING BETTER!

TED If I should have a daughter by Sarah Kay

https://embed-ssl.ted.com/talks/sarah_kay_if_i_should_have_a_daughter.html

I just wanted to share with you one of the most beautiful and influential poems that I have heard in a long time. One of my biggest dreams is to become exactly what she is describing…a good mother to my future children. So listen and enjoy.

2 am (Poem #5)

It’s 2 am,

And I am lying here,

Listening to love songs,

That words scream like rain,

And they tear down the walls,

They rip apart my castle,

Somehow the smoke I have tried so hard to create,

falls…

I can’t help it,

Each smile becomes a cannon ball that smashes every fear,

All my insecurities,

When it comes to love,

joy,

and tomorrow.

So at 2 am,

While I lay here alone,

Surrounded by butterfly notes,

kissing my cheeks,

And tear of joy,

twinkle down my cheeks,

I can’t help but know that something…

something real and beautiful is happening…

and honey if this is what falling for someone feels like,

I wish I had known before,

because the walls I had up,

They should have fallen like Babel,

Because the free fall is worth it,

And the fear of not knowing what tomorrow brings,

is no longer scary….

but rather exciting…

and beautiful….

Just like you….

Tomorrow….. (#2)

I’m scared…

Scared out of my mind…

I’m scared of tomorrow…

Scared for the rest of my life…

Because the future is unplanned,

And there is nothing that is for sure…

But somehow….

Somehow it isn’t so scary,

Something not to abhor,

For the mystery of tomorrow

makes it that much more clear,

That mystery is beautiful…

Mystery is nothing to fear…

Because with every mystery there are is ambiguity,

A chance for something great…

And if my future includes you…

Well maybe tomorrow won’t be so hard to take…

So thank you my darling,

For standing here with me…

Thank you all for holding on,

And seeing something beautiful in me.

For even when I don’t see it,

I know that you all do,

And maybe tomorrow I will see it,

or maybe never…

no one can tell.

So what does tomorrow bring,

It brings me a chance,

A chance to find who I really am,

A chance to learn to dance,

It means falling down,

And learning to get up,

It means not knowing what is going to happen

Yet finding peace in that,

It’s about giving everything a chance,

It means learning,

letting go,

holding on,

and staying true,

It means learning who you really are,

And finding out who is true….

So tomorrow come when you are ready,

Come when you have a chance,

I am ready for you,

I’m standing tall,

Give me everything you’ve got,

And I will show you who still has a chance!

Tomorrow you will not hurt me,

You will not scare me away,

I will not sink,

I will not falter,

I will never break…

Though you have shown me,

What heartbreak truly is…

I know that through it all something beautiful is coming,

And I will love again.

So tomorrow if you’re ready,

I’m giving you a chance,

Try and break me,

Try your best,

Because even though I am scared..

I know I am not alone,

And I am not letting go….