Untitled (Poem #163)

How have I not driven you mad?

I still think of him and feel so much…

So much anger,

So much sadness,

And so much love

I feel like a top spinning off of a desk falling for something I will never believe in.

The notion of emotion (Poem #96)

The overall notion of simply caring about emotion

and how other people feel

used to be a foundation that philosophers and aristocrats stood upon.

Rather than partaking in a society like ours,

that is filled with people asking “how are you”

but not giving a damn about the answer less than five seconds after the words protrude their mouth.

We simply disregard the importance of human emotion

which is the pinnacle differentiation of our existence

and place in our crumbling world.

We treat is as if human beings have to work toward us caring about them,

and must be worthy enough to even get the grace of a single tear from others when their world is ripping seems,

all that matters is that there is rain one the horizons of ours sky’s,

and our sorrow fill the air with the only availability to breath concern for one person;

and every time that one person will be ourselves.

Because being selfless isn’t a virtue,

it is an inconveniences….

And God forbid my existence should even shed a droplet on your sunny day.

Society wonders why we live in a world filled with people,

yet people feel so alone that their best friends become knives,

their lovers become pills and drugs,

where darkness is the haven that will shortly bring them to the point where the question is in the form of a bullet

and the answer is the gun.

Society your answer doesn’t lie in the pills or therapy…

the answer lies in front of you…

hell it is attached to you…

the only organ that provides life to the masses.

Society the answer is the thing we dare to suppress

by saying it is to feminine and weak.

Well fuck you society,

because those of us who give a damn to give a fuck about others can see,

the real problem is not that we are too weak as a people,

the problem in society is that people stopped believing the genuinely caring is actually a thing.

Maybe it is about the story…(poem #49)

I want to start this by saying this:

DEPRESSION SUCKS,

LIKE A LOT!

But if it has taught me anything,

it is to cherish every moment that you feel,

not matter the emotion,

cherish it,

embrace it,

and remember it,

because feeling something is better than nothing.

What if that is the whole point of going through this?

To learn that it isn’t necessarily about always being happy,

but about knowing what it means to feel happy.

To learn that life won’t hand you glass slippers and a carriage,

but rather that you will have to go out and get them,

and it will hurt,

and you will want to quiet,

but you can’t,

because before the clock strikes midnight you will see all your work play out,

and you will feel alive.

You see,

life is just like your own book,

you can’t just skip to the happily ever after,

because well there is no garantee there will be one

unless you work for one,

and some chapters of your story are going to be scary

and hurt

but that is because you need some character development in order to be ready for the next page.

Sure you will get paper cuts,

fill pages with tear,

but that is the fun of reading,

you feel so much that you can’t wait to see what the next page holds…

Life is just like that,

it’s about the journey,

and in the end that is so much better than any stupid fairy-tale happy ending if you ask me.

A new way of drowning (Poem #33)

I need to be honest right now,

This feeling that I am having,

I can’t even describe it…

And that is kind of scary to me,

because I am a writer,

I am the person who takes the indescribable

and finds the perfect words to say…

But somehow you have found a way to take away my voice,

to have everything blur together,

and have words not be able to come close to explaining how I feel.

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But I am still stubborn,

so that means I am going to try…

So here it goes.

I feel like I am floating,

yet I am being pulled under by the current,

and it is pulling me toward the deeper end,

and slowly taking the shores away that I have become so comfortable with,

I am drifting farther and farther away from the world I knew,

the world that defined me til now,

I am slowly drowning,

but no matter how much I hate not breathing,

it is a drowning that I almost love,

Because even though the thing I held onto to keep me “alive”

was actually slowly poisoning me,

but I was too scared to look elsewhere,

So as the water fills my lungs,

instead of gasping for air,

I am learning how to breath again.

You have opened up my eyes to my new life,

and even though the shore was my home now,

you made me into a mermaid,

and I love how the water feels between my fingers,

I love the feeling of being surrounded by feelings,

and by memories that depending on the lighting show something different.

I love the way that you lead me into a word that is deeper,

and more meaningful than I have ever seen,

because I lived on the surface and thought that the deeper I went the darker life would get,

but it has been the opposite,

the deeper I go,

the lighter I feel.

You see,

you took a world I new,

and showed me that there is more,

that there truly is more than 90% of my life that has been undiscovered,

but discovering it won’t be so scary,

because you will always be there for me,

discovering it with me,

and learning about the world,

one ray of light at a time,

one “we’ll see at a time”.

Beautifully Insane(Poem #32)

I know my past wasn’t that hard,

and the the trials I faced are minor compared to some,

but still I can not fathom how people can look at me and tell me not to be sad,

because just because my life wasn’t as bad as others,

doesn’t mean it wasn’t bad,

It was just different…

I mean I don’t expect everyone to understand,

but I expect them to respect it,

because it isn’t their story,

or their pain,

or there memories that haunt them,

they are mine!

So don’t tell me I can’t be sad,

or lonely,

or happy,

or scared,

because you haven’t walked a mile in my shoes,

and even if you did it wouldn’t be enough,

because honey,

A MILE IS NOWHERE CLOSE TO A LIFETIME!

So I am sorry I am angry,

and that I spit words with poison and wine,

but it is because I am scared,

again,

just like everyday,

but I am taking life one baby step at a time.

So remember,

everyone can feel how they want,

and has the right to say so,

so don’t judge them,

just love them,

listen,

let their tears flow,

because when someone is crying out,

we don’t want to be told how to feel,

we just want to know we aren’t crazy,

or alone,

and that no matter what,

we are worth it,

and normal,

and perfectly sane,

we are human,

we are loved,

we are beautifully insane.

The Origin of Music(poem #24)

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Every great song starts with a melody,

a few notes to make a tune,

a gracious hand strumming along,

to the beat of the heart,

and the whispers of the soul,

that feed the memories,

that were translated to the notes.

You see music is a language,

a deeply routed word,

that no matter the tongue in which it is spoken,

still somehow translates what it means,

because music is more than words,

and more than simply note,

Music is the gateway,

to our hearts,

to our memories,

to our souls.

Strength is…(poem #18)

Strength isn’t about never showing your fears,

or never crying,

or holding on too long.

Strength is about

letting go when it is the right time,

about showing when you are scared,

but powering through it anyways,

about holding on to til the right time,

about showing others you have fears,

but they will not control you.

Strength is being yourself,

no matter what,

no matter how hard it is…

Strength is YOU!

Something about a that chair (Poem #15)

Sitting in a room,

talking to someone you barely know…

It’s hard…

That’s putting it nicely.

You see the room becomes all that more intersting,

because you are avoiding all the thoughts that crawl on those walls,

and you wonder how many sad stories that wind could whisper if the windows were open,

and how many tear the chairs have caught,

or how many times someone has fallen apart and left everything that was broken lying on that floor….

So to say the least the room is ominous…

but something about them breaks you down,

as if you didn’t say everything you have been holding back,

that somehow you would be letting the room down…

and then it starts,

You just open up!

How I feel…(poem #9)

Please talk to me,

See that I have feeling too,

That even though you don’t understand it doesn’t mean I don’t care,

It just means that I don’t know how to tell you what I feel,

Because everything is all mixed up in my head,

And nothing makes sense to me,

But something makes sense no matter what,

That even through this emotional mess I am in…

I need you to be willing to listen,

To hold my hand,

And uplift my soul,

And just know that no matter how bad I hurt you…

I still care…..

I….I…just don’t know how to tell you what I need or feel….

What is love? (poem #8)

People have this misconceptions that love is all about roses,

and smiles,

and happiness…..

but that isn’t what love is.

Love is hardship,

holding on tight.

It’s about screaming at each other,

and fogetting why you you were ten minutes later.

It’s about apologizing for your wrongs,

and giving up on things you thought you could never let go because you need to hold on to each other instead.

It’s about celebrating joys,

along with morning tears.

It’s about telling each other how you feel,

and making sure you never make them feel that way again…

at least not for the same reason.

It’s about saying your sorry,

and meaning…

It’s about learning the hard way,

And not always taking the easy way out,

because the easy way isn’t always the best way…

Sometimes you have to take the hard way,

And have hard conversations,

because it is from the hard conversations that true love actually comes through.

You see love isn’t made of all sunshine and rainbows,

Love is the silly feeling you get when you see them smile,

It’s the desire in the middle night that you get when you are a lone just to see them,

The twinkle in your eye when you smile because they are around,

When you cry you want nothing more than to be in their arms,

Wearing sweatpants and no makeup and cuddling,

Holding on to them all night because laying next to them is a better than dreaming,

It’s even though you are sad you know that they will somehow make you smile…

But most importantly you know that no matter what you say,

what you do,

what you think,

or how hurt you are,

YOU WANT TO BE WITH THEM EVERY MOMENT,

OF EVERY DAY,

JUST BECAUSE YOU LOVE THEM,

AND YOU COULD NEVER ASK FOR ANYTHING BETTER!