My tongue (poem #166)

My tongue feels a little too big for my mouth today,
So I slip my tongue ring out
Look at the hole that is there…
and wonder if it reflex the hole in my heart from when I got it.
I don’t get my piercings because I hated myself I got them to feel unique.
Needles made me feel more important and like myself in my own skin that I ever could. It’s sad to say that I had to add artwork to porcelain to feel like the beautiful girl I was born as.
When I asked I admit I had an eating disorder,
before brushing over the fact that before includes yesterday.
I starve myself not for attention but to feel accepted in my own skin.
I don’t feel welcome in my body,
the stretch marks are pinpoints of foreign lands.
I’m just trying to navigate in a world with the map of my body,
but my compass is upside down.
I forgot how to read directions when they started with “10 easy steps to…”,
cosmopolitan gave me guides on how to get lost,
men claim to have found me,
but I’m still standing here stranded in the branches of my rib-cage.
I’ve told myself enough times that being lost is ok,
it just means you haven’t reach your destination,
but I still feel like the little girl who put on makeup too soon so she wouldn’t recognize the flaws she once saw as constellations.
I don’t hide behind my body, I hide in it,
I put jewelry and art out as a gallery to distract you from the cracks in the walls.
When asked if I know that I am beautiful,
I respond does beauty start with starvation and end with pain because if so I have felt beautiful for year,
but if it doesn’t please leave me alone because i don’t want to find out what beautiful means anymore because I know I wouldn’t recognize it.
My tongue feels too big for my mouth today,
so I slide the metal between my teeth to feel whole again.

Can always be better (Poem #74)

It’s a pretty simple message right?

It is OKAY to not be perfect….

I wish it was that easy.

The idea of being perfect isn’t the problem,

it’s the idea that may we can get close,

and that somehow we can always move one step closer to being perfect if we just do _________.

But it doesn’t work!

We never reach this invisible goal that we set that if we become ______then I will stop….

because there is always something better,

you can always be prettier,

bigger chested,

thinner waisted,

smarter

stronger,

faster,

BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!

The world doesn’t need better,

the world needs you,

it needs your quirkiness,

and the way your mouth turns when you smile,

or the odd noise you make when you are gasping for air in between laughs….

The world needs you exactly how you are….

I need you exactly how you are….

YOU need YOU exactly how you are…