I don’t know if this should even count as a poem or more of a rant…(poem #40)

I wanted to challenge myself to something new,

So for the next few minutes I am going to close my eyes and type all of the thoughts that go through my head…

Ready?

Go!

1. I love the sound of rain, and the mixture of bird calls, thunder and raindrops that the rainy moods website is using tonight.

2. I hate being sick, and having a fever really put a damper on my day. I felt so weak and useless. Honestly being an adult and being sick sucks because when we are little we have our parents around to help take care of us and make sure that even though we physically feel like crap we don’t have to mentally as well…

3. I miss my dog terribly…he is my best friend and somehow he always knew how to make me feel better no matter how hard the situation got.

4. Sleep and I have a love hate relationship…I am a college kid so this shouldn’t surprise me.

5. I am really confusing myself now…here is why. I looked on a job posting sight through my school and was genuinely upset that all of the after-school positions to help out with elementary and high school programs were “work study” only…why is this confusing, well I thought I hated children, but alas I see I do not.

6. I am not sure if this should even count as a poem really, because it is more of a rant.

7. I miss the show Boy Meets World…and other kids shows I mean seriously kids shows kind of went down the toilet recently.

8. I want to inspire people, not just have them like me. Because people liking you well is rather insignificant when the world is filled with people we “like”, but not many that we want to “be like”. A child needs a role model and someone who seems like a superhero to them not like barbie. I want to change the world in the eyes of a child to inspire them to truly become anything they want not just what people say. So become a vet, an astronaut, a archaeologist, or whatever your dream was…become your own superhero.

9. I think I found what love is…and it scares me to death.

10. Yup this is defiantly a rant and not a poem, haha but I am the author so I get to pick what I call it right!

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Like the rain (Poem #23)

Yes I remember,

I remember what it is like to feel,

to cry,

to lose myself in the sound of the rain,

I remember the feeling of the tears,

mixing with the raindrops,

and how the thunder muffled my screams,

and how hard it poured,

how much I wanted so badly to just have the rain wash me away,

yes I remember all of that…

I remember how it all began,

and how far it went,

and how dark it got,

and how many people I pushed away,

I also remember how many people left,

or said I just wanted attention,

but that wasn’t it.

I remember it like a knife,

cutting through my wrist,

like it once did,

but that is the thing,

I remember it,

I don’t feel it now,

I don’t want the rain to melt me,

Instead I dance in it,

and smile as the water rushes down my cheeks,

because the rain means a renewal,

and new day,

and growth.

I have moved on,

I have moved forward,

and yeah sometimes the dark clouds come back,

but I can know that the sun is hiding right behind it,

and that the glow of the moon is enough to show me through the night.

Because I am more than my depression every way,

and more than it ever will be,

because I am me,

and that is pretty damn great if you ask me.

So this is how it feel…(poem #14)

So this is how it feels,

when disaster strikes,

and everything you knew disappeared…

There is an overwhelming fear ,

and pain for what has been lost.

It would be easier if it was something materialistic,

like a house,

or jewelry,

but no this is worse…

this is much worse….

You see a house can be rebuilt with blueprint,

and Jewelry can be bought again,

but what happens when the walls you built,

and everything you called yourself 

suddenly gets thrown open and apart,

and you look around and all you see is the rubble of what you were,

every brick was a part of you,

and every stone you pick up brings back all the memories,

all the pain,

all the joy,

all the fears,

they bring back EVERYTHING!!

and you can’t hide from them anymore,

you’re skeletons are amoungst the rubble,

and you feel like you are living in a class house,

and all you want to do is cry out,

and fall to your knees and give up,

but as you fall you find the one brick that reminds you why you keep trying…

Suddenly there is a hand helping you stand up now,

and a voice saying “let’s keep that one”,

then you understand,

the tornado didn’t come to destroy you,

just destroy what you thought you were,

because what you thought was holding you back from who you could be,

the walls were too high and blinding you from the sun,

so yes the rubble is scary,

and as you rebuild yourself you will get cuts,

and splinters,

and bruises,

and scares,

and bleed a lot…

but in the end it will all be worth it,

because the sun will be shining on you from now on,

and you will have learned to dance in the rain,

and learn that some part of your house can be glass,

and that the things that held you back before can be thrown away,

and only the pieces you want to keep will be used,

because now you get to decide who you will be!