The tears we must cry…(Poem #82)

I know it is late,

and that nothing makes sense,

and that tears streaming down my face are just streams of confusion,

but I can’t help it,

I can’t hold it in,

the tears must fall,

and I must cry,

but for tonight will you hold me tight,

so that my tears will be the only thing falling apart.

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Let me tell you my story….(Poem #66)

Pain isn’t a feeling,

it is a disease,

It spreads…..it’s contagious,

It is stronger than me.

Because pain,

it knows your heartache,

because it comes as everything you ever wanted,

til you gave it control.

So suddenly it can make the devil become the hands of a man,

and man who had the power I could never have.

And it told me my body wasn’t even my own,

it said, “You’r ass is too small…your thighs are too big…you call those tits??? You’re fucking kidding me???”

And I’ll only promote you if you give me EVERYTHING.

What happened to my body being my temple?

I’ll tell you right now…

that temple was broken into 

and torn down

on that hot summer day

in the heat of the sun

against the back of that forwheeler

when I couldn’t run….

You see I could tell you the make and the model,

because in that moment I focused on everything but the temple that was starting to break,

and at the age of 13 I didn’t know the power I had….

And since then I never have.

Since then I gave up my power to say no…

Cuz I’m a good little girl!

SO SPANK ME, HIT ME, CUT ME, SLAP ME,

DO WHAT YOU WANT

I DON’T CARE IF IT HURTS

I DON’T CARE IF I BLEED,

BECAUSE I LOVE IT DADDY

YES! YES! PLEASE!

Yes rough sex is better for me,

because the physical pain is better than watching my soul struggle to breath,

from the fact that all I ever wanted was mommy and daddy to love me….

So fuck me and bruise me,

and do what you want to,

because what’ a little whore like me going to do?

At leaset that’s what they tell me,

as society pins me to the bed.

They tell me I’m worthless,

and better off dead.

That women are lesser,

and I have to decide,

between loving a man and a women

or else I should hide,

Hid the emotion,

and the attraction I feel,

because that doesn’t exsist…

That not actually how I feel….

The world is black and white darling,

don’t you see,

a man marries a woman

they have babies

and you stay home and clean.

You know what I say to that?

FUCK THAT!!!

FUCK YOUR SOCIETAL NORMS!!

I will not let you oppress me,

You will not be that hands that cover my screams,

because I can scream loud,

you can not overpower me!

I’m a force to be reckoned with,

and a voice to be heard,

cuz hell hath no fury like a woman scorn,

and lastly,

believe heaven won’t take me,

and I can’t step foot in hell,

because the devil ain’t ready to deal with this little whore!

Not so scary ghost story (Poem #56)

I never understood ghost stories…

They just don’t make sense to me…

What is so scary about a wandering soul?

I mean isn’t that what all of us are?

We are all souls stuck here on this planet looking for our meaning and purpose?

So why should we fear a soul we just can’t see?

I used to know (poem #52)

I used to think I know what love was,

and I knew exactly what I needed to do to make someone happy,

I had all the perfect words,

knew the perfect way to say everything,

how specifically to act to make someone smile,

or even just show them I care…

However, with you…

with you it is different,

the words don’t come out right,

they don’t work,

it doesn’t work…

Because with you I have no idea what I am doing!

Who am I to you? (poem #37)

Who am I to you?

I often wonder this,

I have shown you all my scares,

well not all of them,

but enough of them,

enough for you to judge me…

So who am I?

How do you see me?

I truly hope it is with a good light,

because my life is dark enough sometimes,

I try to show you everything,

the good and the bad,

because I want you to see me for who I am,

the weird…

hurt,

scared,

strong,

lonely,

quirky,

geeky,

misfit,

athletic,

princess,

person who challenges authority,

isn’t quiet sure who I am,

yet is still confident in what I can be,

I want you to see me as who I am,

and not as something I pretend to be…

So who I am to you?

What do you see?

Please tell me,

I want to know,

I want to know…

at least I think I do…