Love’s War (Poem #165)

Do you believe in love, baby?Because I do.

I believe in blue skies, with flower crowns, and birds chirping so soft you could swoon.

I believe in soft water, with warm sand, filled with sweet wine kisses.

I believe in gentle touches, on sunny days, with breezes bringing in playful laughter.

But baby boy, love isn’t always dreams of tomorrow’s but nights filled with terrors.

Those nights when tears stain hearts more than fists break the walls.

If I could spit knives, I would lay waist to souls.

Because with love comes heartache, and heartache carries grenades.

We dream of sunshine than run when we see rain.

But baby love is also rain clouds, and muffled sobs buried in a warm embrace.

It is feeling warm tears break cold stares, holding clenched fists so tight we noticed we stopped breathing at the same time.

Baby doll your love gave me ammunition to wage war on souls!

I became stronger with love on ground weaker with fear.

I will walk through the trenches of long sleepless nights, enter no man’s land of silent nights shivering from cold shoulders across the bed, as long as the only words I ever have to fire with certainty are “I do”.

You see handsome, falling does not scare me being a lone soldier fighting for an uncertain love breaks my soul.

What happened first didn’t matter…(Poem #78)

I don’t know what I fell in love with first,

Your smile or your laugh,

Your gentleness or your strength,

Your  tenderness or your stamina,

Your adventurous nature or your kindred soul…

I may not remember what I fell in love with first,

but I sure do know it was worth it!

Why did I believe the lie I that I am ugly? (Poem #39)

I looked in the mirror today,

and saw a million flaws…

1. My nose is too big

2. My eyebrows are too bushy

3. My bottom lip isn’t proportional to my upper lip

4. My hair is too frizzy and whenever I straighten it it never stays that way

5. There are too many zits on my face

6. My chest isn’t big enough

7. My stomach won’t go away

8…..9….10….

You get the point…

I stared in the mirror and saw all the things I have been told were not pretty enough.

I have fallen to the part of society that has choked me since I was 11 years old,

I took at the things that were thrown at me and,

though they did not break my bones,

they left bruises.

I did suffer depression,

I did suffer from an eating disorder,

I did put myself through and unhealthy amount of physical work,

I put myself through everything I could think of in order to make myself feel pretty…

Why am I doing this?

Why do I believe this?

When I was a little girls,

I thought I was beautiful,

with my blue eyes

and crazy blond hair,

but one day those eyes weren’t enough,

and the crazy hair needed to be tamed.

But FUCK THAT!!!!

FUCK THE WORLD FOR TELLING ME I NEED TO BE PERFECT,

AND FAKE TO BE BEAUTIFUL!

I honestly felt like throwing my mirror across the room and watching it smash to a million pieces,

I would have loved to break my hand breaking that mirror if it reminded me that I am a beautiful person,

because I did believe that before,

I believed I was a beautiful princess who deserved a man who would see me as a beautiful queen.

But instead of destroying that mirror I did something else,

I looked back in the mirror,

and looked harder at myself,

and this is what I saw,

1. My eyes are a mix of blue, gold, grey, and are extremely unique

2. My nose is perfectly sized for my nose ring to sit in a place that brings summitry to my face

3. My eyebrows make my eyes pop when I manage them

4. My lips are the perfect shape to show more emotion than I could imagine

5. My waist size is healthy

6. My boobs are proportionate and if I wanted them to get any bigger I would have to gain more weight

7. My body is more than the sexualized image of what a women should be

8. I am beautiful

9. I am pretty

10. I am unique

Beautifully Insane(Poem #32)

I know my past wasn’t that hard,

and the the trials I faced are minor compared to some,

but still I can not fathom how people can look at me and tell me not to be sad,

because just because my life wasn’t as bad as others,

doesn’t mean it wasn’t bad,

It was just different…

I mean I don’t expect everyone to understand,

but I expect them to respect it,

because it isn’t their story,

or their pain,

or there memories that haunt them,

they are mine!

So don’t tell me I can’t be sad,

or lonely,

or happy,

or scared,

because you haven’t walked a mile in my shoes,

and even if you did it wouldn’t be enough,

because honey,

A MILE IS NOWHERE CLOSE TO A LIFETIME!

So I am sorry I am angry,

and that I spit words with poison and wine,

but it is because I am scared,

again,

just like everyday,

but I am taking life one baby step at a time.

So remember,

everyone can feel how they want,

and has the right to say so,

so don’t judge them,

just love them,

listen,

let their tears flow,

because when someone is crying out,

we don’t want to be told how to feel,

we just want to know we aren’t crazy,

or alone,

and that no matter what,

we are worth it,

and normal,

and perfectly sane,

we are human,

we are loved,

we are beautifully insane.

A colorful world (poem #31)

I wish we could all see the world,

Like everyone should,

A view without judgement,

A world that is not colorblind,

But embraces the color,

And actually see the differences as beauty,

rather than faults.

A world that sees everyone as individuals,

not as numbers,

or as just another face in the crowd,

but a face that represents a story,

and memories,

and scares,

but that all of that doesn’t define the person,

rather just improves them and brought them to where they are today.

Because the world isn’t colorless,

it is filled with color,

and pain,

and joy,

and memories,

the world is filled with people,

individuals,

beating hearts,

that are all here for a very beautifully unique reason,

and I would never ever want the world to be seen in a different way!

The Origin of Music(poem #24)

bokeh photo:  150587.jpg

Every great song starts with a melody,

a few notes to make a tune,

a gracious hand strumming along,

to the beat of the heart,

and the whispers of the soul,

that feed the memories,

that were translated to the notes.

You see music is a language,

a deeply routed word,

that no matter the tongue in which it is spoken,

still somehow translates what it means,

because music is more than words,

and more than simply note,

Music is the gateway,

to our hearts,

to our memories,

to our souls.

Kiss me slowly (Poem #22)

I want you to know something,

I want you to know that you are special,

and different,

and beautiful,

and unique,

and perfect,

because you are you,

and I would never ask for me.

Because being different,

and unique,

and human,

is what makes you perfect to me.

It’s the fact that you can fall down,

that you make mistakes,

that sometime you chew too loud,

that you feel so much,

and worry so much,

that you sometimes are crabby when you don’t sleep enough,

and that you get annoyed with me,

that you hate being tickled,

or that you were embarrassed about your birthmark,

that you has some skeleton in your closest,

that you have no idea what you want to do with your life,

but you know you want to be happy,

and that you have no idea where you are going,

but you know you don’t want to stay here forever,

and that you want to be independent,

just so you feel like you aren’t being held down..

I love how all of these things,

no matter how small,

make you you,

just like that freckle below your left eye makes me smile,

and how when you smile your right eye is slightly more squinted than your right,

I guess what I am saying is that I think for the first time in a long time I am actually falling in love,

not just lust,

and it is actual love,

not me giving up who I am to somehow make the world better for the other person,

but real love,

where we both can fall apart,

and we both know that the other person will be standing right next to us,

waiting for us to stand up again,

and that the other person won’t try to fix us,

but will just support us,

and hold us tight when we need them to,

will speak kind words,

whisper wisdom,

and never give up on us.

So I am grateful for you,

for this opportunity,

for the chance at forever with you by my side,

because that is the something to look forward to,

and that is why right now I am going to ask you for one thing,

will you come and do one thing for me,

baby will you kiss me slowly?

The jungle (poem #21)

Let out a growl,

let out a cry,

inhale the moist air,

get ready to come,

get ready to see,

the view of the jungle,

the heart of the beast,

hear the birds flap their wings,

and sing the songs of their kind,

watch the frogs do their dance,

and the snakes march in time,

the wind sounds like music,

and the leaves fall to the ground,

let your soul become the power,

the power you hold inside,

join the world of the panther,

come join the pride.

Strength is…(poem #18)

Strength isn’t about never showing your fears,

or never crying,

or holding on too long.

Strength is about

letting go when it is the right time,

about showing when you are scared,

but powering through it anyways,

about holding on to til the right time,

about showing others you have fears,

but they will not control you.

Strength is being yourself,

no matter what,

no matter how hard it is…

Strength is YOU!