The number one question on tinder today is: “How in the world is a girl like you single?”
Well boys and girls please sit down as I tell you why:
- Swearing isn’t lady like and I don’t give a damn that people fucking think it’s rude.
- You would look so much prettier if you just tried a little harder.
- My love is like a treasure chest; filled with glistening moments that bring glory, joy and wonder only to be later seen as monitary value to be barged with, tested, and sold to the highest bidder, each piece taken away from me as symbol of my lovers’ triumph over my heart.
- “I don’t date short girls”.
- May fairytales are more like Grim’s. There is no happily ever after, and I am pretty sure my “Prince Charming” got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
- “It’s not you it’s me…”
- My body is more like a quest than a home; each knight gets wrapped in the excitement of saying they have slain the dragon but never knowing what to do with the princess after that; the crown didn’t fit my head right and I don’t fit into the kingdom quite right…maybe I was better off with the dragon
- Omg you like girls too that is so hot we should totally….ehhh stop there do not pass go do not collect two hundred dollars, that is not how this game work.
- I’m not the type of girl that people fall in love with. I am the paper town meant to be burned down by men with matches. I pride myself on provide warmth and love by sacrificing my heart to the hollowness of bones. Creating graveyards of memories, where all ex’s are followed by “oooohh”‘s
- “We’re sorry the number you have dialed is no longer in service or has been disconnected. Please hang up and try again”