Your temporary high (Poem #144)

When you get high,

Do you miss me?

Is my presence your personal poison,

Your shot of whiskey?

But when you are alone,

And you sip upon my existence,

Does my love taste bitter or sweet?

Was I out your medicine,

Your shot that would help you escape the world?

Darling, I can be that wonder,

Or I can drag you to hell.

It’s up to you darling,

Will you drink me responsibly?

In attempt to express (Poem #142)

As I am standing with tears streaming down my face

You scream at me and ask what I wrong

And when I can’t find the words you scream louder

But here is the truth

90% of the time I feel lonely and scare

The other 10% I feel ok and strong

But everyone sees it the other way

Because I learned to stand on shaking legs

To glare at the world through tears

But that isn’t me

It never was

And as you scream louder the real me is dying to find the words

But when you don’t even understand how you are hanging on to life

How am I supposed to tell you what it feel like

To describe a perminantly broken heart

To feel innocence ripping from you

When darkness is your friend

And I sleep for half the day

Because when I sleep I don’t feel

And that is all I really want right now

To not feel…

No one ever asked (poem #141)

1 in 5…

Why are people not more upset,

And jumping at their seats?

Why are we not screaming louder

So I am on not the only one who has to scream,

For seven years and counting

And since January 16th on…

They say that in seven year

My body will do a miracle

That every cell in my body will be made new

And every cell you once touched will no longer exist

So I sit here

Counting down the days until you have no longer touched my hand

But with each day I am reminded that you did much more than simply touch me

You took part of my soul

And that is something I can never take back…

Forget the fake that I trusted you

Forget the fact that I thought you cared

Because I thought you all cared

Yet for a month I walked around in fear

The fear that I would be called a liar and a bitch

That the blame would be put on me

So I took it

I said I cheated

And that it was all my fault

Because that is what the voices said

They told me I knew what was going to happen when I walked into that room

And maybe I shouldn’t have drank so much

But no one blamed you…

Not until they say the years flash before their eyes

And the tears stain my checks like ink…

No until I broke it was my burden to bare…

My burden that you raped me…

And to this day I have to live with the 13 pages that judge sent

Detail what he said were all my lies…

Why would I lied about this

Seriously when was the last time someone got robbed and you questioned if it really happened

You can replace what a robber took

Or fix wounds of an assault

But you can never fix me

Or replace  what I once had

Because rape it takes more from you than any man’s hands will ever grasp…

And it wouldn’t be so bad if this hasn’t happened before

If I could say I was the only one…

But one in five women

And one in thirty three men

Will feel the tearing not out of something they never knew they had….

The numbers are too high

These people shouldn’t be

People getting hurt

People just like me….

That day I wish not to be alive (poem #139)

When your heart breaks, so does mine. 

The pain you may feel may be one of a kind, 

but your pain is a burden,

That I am willing to help bear. 

For the day my heart stops breaking for others,

I may as well not be alive. 

#prayforparis #blacklivesmatter #refugeeswelcome 

  

You aren’t alone (Poem #135)

If you are awake right now,

At 4 am,

Sobbing into your pillow,

Clenching on to the last shred of hope you have…

Just know you are not alone,

I am right here,

Sobbing with you,

We will make it through this…

I hope….

What do you call it (Poem #133)

We seem to get wrapped up in this concept of titles,

Everything has to have a label…

But why?

Why do we have to complicate this?

Why does it matter what I call you?

You could call it anything…

I don’t care,

I just want you!

The powers of true love (Poem #129)

I do not know what is more powerful,

My unquestionable, devotional love toward you,

Or my strength as I stand to the side waiting patentiently for the day you are ready and able to fall as hard as I did,

Or my heart as it aches daily for you to return but knowing it can not show it for you need to find your way back on your own.