Demons live inside me (Poem #146)

I have demons in my brain,

And angel on my heart,

The Devils plays his game inside,

So much I fall apart.

He reminds of my heartache,

And teases me with love,

Then reminds me I’m not worth it,

Reminds me I’m not enough.

As the angel sits there crying,

Begging me to stay,

I put the gun to my head,

I pray to live one less day.

My hands they start to shake,

As the devil, he appears,

With open arms and big blue eyes

To whip away my tears.

He pleads for me to love him,

And to stay just one more day,

He gives me everything I want,

Then tears it all away. 

The angel wants me alive,

So he can give me love,

The devil wants a play thing,

To get his bidding done. 

Because heaven is far away,

And I stand on the brink,

Of hell on earth and suicide,

Please just let me stop and think.

Would I rather be dead,

Or standing here not truly alive,

I guess I’ll never know,

Because I never really tried. 

So I lay with tears screaming down my cheeks,

Goodnight my angel,

Goodnight my devil,

Love truly your play thing. 

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The love we deserve (poem #145)

Love…

Four simple letters,

One rhythmic word.

I yearn for it’s overwhelming weakness.

Desire so much to have it.

But I am tired,

Tired of the people who say they will never hurt me being the ones who only want to be my friends,

And the ones who are willing to hurt me be the ones who invite my heart to fall in love with them.

I know now that I deserve better,

But I guess this is life’s way of showing me the love I deserve.

Your temporary high (Poem #144)

When you get high,

Do you miss me?

Is my presence your personal poison,

Your shot of whiskey?

But when you are alone,

And you sip upon my existence,

Does my love taste bitter or sweet?

Was I out your medicine,

Your shot that would help you escape the world?

Darling, I can be that wonder,

Or I can drag you to hell.

It’s up to you darling,

Will you drink me responsibly?

In attempt to express (Poem #142)

As I am standing with tears streaming down my face

You scream at me and ask what I wrong

And when I can’t find the words you scream louder

But here is the truth

90% of the time I feel lonely and scare

The other 10% I feel ok and strong

But everyone sees it the other way

Because I learned to stand on shaking legs

To glare at the world through tears

But that isn’t me

It never was

And as you scream louder the real me is dying to find the words

But when you don’t even understand how you are hanging on to life

How am I supposed to tell you what it feel like

To describe a perminantly broken heart

To feel innocence ripping from you

When darkness is your friend

And I sleep for half the day

Because when I sleep I don’t feel

And that is all I really want right now

To not feel…

You aren’t alone (Poem #135)

If you are awake right now,

At 4 am,

Sobbing into your pillow,

Clenching on to the last shred of hope you have…

Just know you are not alone,

I am right here,

Sobbing with you,

We will make it through this…

I hope….

What do you call it (Poem #133)

We seem to get wrapped up in this concept of titles,

Everything has to have a label…

But why?

Why do we have to complicate this?

Why does it matter what I call you?

You could call it anything…

I don’t care,

I just want you!