Let me tell you my story….(Poem #66)

Pain isn’t a feeling,

it is a disease,

It spreads…..it’s contagious,

It is stronger than me.

Because pain,

it knows your heartache,

because it comes as everything you ever wanted,

til you gave it control.

So suddenly it can make the devil become the hands of a man,

and man who had the power I could never have.

And it told me my body wasn’t even my own,

it said, “You’r ass is too small…your thighs are too big…you call those tits??? You’re fucking kidding me???”

And I’ll only promote you if you give me EVERYTHING.

What happened to my body being my temple?

I’ll tell you right now…

that temple was broken into 

and torn down

on that hot summer day

in the heat of the sun

against the back of that forwheeler

when I couldn’t run….

You see I could tell you the make and the model,

because in that moment I focused on everything but the temple that was starting to break,

and at the age of 13 I didn’t know the power I had….

And since then I never have.

Since then I gave up my power to say no…

Cuz I’m a good little girl!

SO SPANK ME, HIT ME, CUT ME, SLAP ME,

DO WHAT YOU WANT

I DON’T CARE IF IT HURTS

I DON’T CARE IF I BLEED,

BECAUSE I LOVE IT DADDY

YES! YES! PLEASE!

Yes rough sex is better for me,

because the physical pain is better than watching my soul struggle to breath,

from the fact that all I ever wanted was mommy and daddy to love me….

So fuck me and bruise me,

and do what you want to,

because what’ a little whore like me going to do?

At leaset that’s what they tell me,

as society pins me to the bed.

They tell me I’m worthless,

and better off dead.

That women are lesser,

and I have to decide,

between loving a man and a women

or else I should hide,

Hid the emotion,

and the attraction I feel,

because that doesn’t exsist…

That not actually how I feel….

The world is black and white darling,

don’t you see,

a man marries a woman

they have babies

and you stay home and clean.

You know what I say to that?

FUCK THAT!!!

FUCK YOUR SOCIETAL NORMS!!

I will not let you oppress me,

You will not be that hands that cover my screams,

because I can scream loud,

you can not overpower me!

I’m a force to be reckoned with,

and a voice to be heard,

cuz hell hath no fury like a woman scorn,

and lastly,

believe heaven won’t take me,

and I can’t step foot in hell,

because the devil ain’t ready to deal with this little whore!

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Without second guessing it…(Poem #64)

Can someone tell me how this happens?

How someone can put their hands on a little girl,

how they can take the most precious thing given to us in this world,

and rip it apart,

how they take the innocence of body and heart,

and at some point age doesn’t matter,

as long as they can they will use their power…

It just baffles me,

hurts me,

and makes me sick,

how people can rape a child without even second guessing it…

The moment I knew….(Poem #63)

I had an experience,

something I have never felt before,

This sense of eagerness,

and relief all at the same time,

As I took that step forward I could finally feel what it meant to be free,

free of a chain that others put on me,

one that told what it was to love and to feel,

but I am not hiding anymore,

because my feelings are real.

Others can not tell me,

nor decide what I want,

don’t you dare tell me what my heart wants,

because you don’t know me,

or what I want to see.

Please stop telling me the definition of my identity.

Words my soul can not say…(Poem #62)

I wish I had the words,

but they won’t come out,

instead everything I know how to say is said,

and now….now I have nothing left to say,

yet my heart is crying,

my soul is screaming,

But it just comes out as a mixed language I can not explain,

And when I try…all that comes out are tears,

and the tears don’t tell the story I want them to.

They can not say I am sorry,

and that I will change,

all they show is desperation and pain.