Sorry for the Darkness (Poem #47)

They were right,

All of this feels the same again,

The sun may be shining but I do not feel it’s heat,

I do not rejoice in it’s light,

because when I got out of bed this morning,

all I could look forward to was getting back into it,

knowing I wouldn’t be able to sleep,

but rather just lay there in a permanent state of numbness…

You see I was doing ok,

I was fine,

and then I couldn’t stop it,

The tears started and never stopped,

because even when I am walking my heart keeps crying,

and my eyes they are dull,

they show nothing,

because all I feel…

IS NOTHING AT ALL.

I mean I know this will be over soon,

at least I hope it will,

because this time it isn’t as bad,

yet I still feel the need to apologize to everyone who sees me,

because it feels like they can see the dark cloud around me,

and I don’t want to ruin their sunshine,

but how can you not when all you want to do is get out of the rain?

I want to get out…

I WANT OUT!

I want to actually feel again,

not feel the ripples of the emotions I used to have,

I want them to be back.

So that is why I told you,

I told you I was falling apart,

So I am sorry for the darkness my love,

but please don’t be afraid of the dark,

it isn’t here to hurt you,

it’s here to torture me,

because you represent everything that is opposite of it to me,

So while I lay here in the darkness,

and I feel your warm on my neck,

I remember what it feel like when the sun beats down on me,

and I know I will get out of this again…

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