Why did I believe the lie I that I am ugly? (Poem #39)

I looked in the mirror today,

and saw a million flaws…

1. My nose is too big

2. My eyebrows are too bushy

3. My bottom lip isn’t proportional to my upper lip

4. My hair is too frizzy and whenever I straighten it it never stays that way

5. There are too many zits on my face

6. My chest isn’t big enough

7. My stomach won’t go away

8…..9….10….

You get the point…

I stared in the mirror and saw all the things I have been told were not pretty enough.

I have fallen to the part of society that has choked me since I was 11 years old,

I took at the things that were thrown at me and,

though they did not break my bones,

they left bruises.

I did suffer depression,

I did suffer from an eating disorder,

I did put myself through and unhealthy amount of physical work,

I put myself through everything I could think of in order to make myself feel pretty…

Why am I doing this?

Why do I believe this?

When I was a little girls,

I thought I was beautiful,

with my blue eyes

and crazy blond hair,

but one day those eyes weren’t enough,

and the crazy hair needed to be tamed.

But FUCK THAT!!!!

FUCK THE WORLD FOR TELLING ME I NEED TO BE PERFECT,

AND FAKE TO BE BEAUTIFUL!

I honestly felt like throwing my mirror across the room and watching it smash to a million pieces,

I would have loved to break my hand breaking that mirror if it reminded me that I am a beautiful person,

because I did believe that before,

I believed I was a beautiful princess who deserved a man who would see me as a beautiful queen.

But instead of destroying that mirror I did something else,

I looked back in the mirror,

and looked harder at myself,

and this is what I saw,

1. My eyes are a mix of blue, gold, grey, and are extremely unique

2. My nose is perfectly sized for my nose ring to sit in a place that brings summitry to my face

3. My eyebrows make my eyes pop when I manage them

4. My lips are the perfect shape to show more emotion than I could imagine

5. My waist size is healthy

6. My boobs are proportionate and if I wanted them to get any bigger I would have to gain more weight

7. My body is more than the sexualized image of what a women should be

8. I am beautiful

9. I am pretty

10. I am unique

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s