2 am (Poem #5)

It’s 2 am,

And I am lying here,

Listening to love songs,

That words scream like rain,

And they tear down the walls,

They rip apart my castle,

Somehow the smoke I have tried so hard to create,

falls…

I can’t help it,

Each smile becomes a cannon ball that smashes every fear,

All my insecurities,

When it comes to love,

joy,

and tomorrow.

So at 2 am,

While I lay here alone,

Surrounded by butterfly notes,

kissing my cheeks,

And tear of joy,

twinkle down my cheeks,

I can’t help but know that something…

something real and beautiful is happening…

and honey if this is what falling for someone feels like,

I wish I had known before,

because the walls I had up,

They should have fallen like Babel,

Because the free fall is worth it,

And the fear of not knowing what tomorrow brings,

is no longer scary….

but rather exciting…

and beautiful….

Just like you….

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Knock, Knock…(Poem #4)

Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

You!

You who?

Is it a gentleman,

Is it a monster,

Is it a lover,

Is it a fighter,

Is it a friend,

Is it and enemy,

So who are you?

Who do you want to be?

Why are you here?

What’s it going to be?

Before you knock on the door,

be ready to open up,

Because if you want to come in,

that is what I expect,

That is what I need…

And if you can’t handle that….

Well sorry baby…

Moving on (Poem #3)

I don’t know what to say to you,

That I’m sorry?

That I wish things could be different?

Of course I wish It could be different….

Of course I wish that we didn’t have to do this….

but darling what did you expect?

You can’t honestly say that you expected me to just wait around for you…

To wait for that one day when everything would fall into place?

Well I saw it…

I saw that it is my responsibility to take my life in my hands,

To make my life how I want it,

and not to chose what that is based off of the lives of others,

to simply embrace what life gives me 

and go with the flow.

 

So I am sorry darling,

I’m sorry I am moving on with my life,

that I found out that I need to be me for now,

that I found out how I deserve to be treated

and that I found some self respect…

but if you can’t respect that,

and respect me…

Then in all honesty,

I don’t have time for you,

And that’s on you,

not me…..

Tomorrow….. (#2)

I’m scared…

Scared out of my mind…

I’m scared of tomorrow…

Scared for the rest of my life…

Because the future is unplanned,

And there is nothing that is for sure…

But somehow….

Somehow it isn’t so scary,

Something not to abhor,

For the mystery of tomorrow

makes it that much more clear,

That mystery is beautiful…

Mystery is nothing to fear…

Because with every mystery there are is ambiguity,

A chance for something great…

And if my future includes you…

Well maybe tomorrow won’t be so hard to take…

So thank you my darling,

For standing here with me…

Thank you all for holding on,

And seeing something beautiful in me.

For even when I don’t see it,

I know that you all do,

And maybe tomorrow I will see it,

or maybe never…

no one can tell.

So what does tomorrow bring,

It brings me a chance,

A chance to find who I really am,

A chance to learn to dance,

It means falling down,

And learning to get up,

It means not knowing what is going to happen

Yet finding peace in that,

It’s about giving everything a chance,

It means learning,

letting go,

holding on,

and staying true,

It means learning who you really are,

And finding out who is true….

So tomorrow come when you are ready,

Come when you have a chance,

I am ready for you,

I’m standing tall,

Give me everything you’ve got,

And I will show you who still has a chance!

Tomorrow you will not hurt me,

You will not scare me away,

I will not sink,

I will not falter,

I will never break…

Though you have shown me,

What heartbreak truly is…

I know that through it all something beautiful is coming,

And I will love again.

So tomorrow if you’re ready,

I’m giving you a chance,

Try and break me,

Try your best,

Because even though I am scared..

I know I am not alone,

And I am not letting go….

When you hit the floor (Poem #1)

I am sitting here trying to think,

Trying to write words of happiness and not those of pain,

Yet all I see is you,

Your body quivering….

shaking….

Darling why did you do this to yourself….

Why bring yourself to this point?

Please stop it…please

I know I can’t cry now…

I have to be strong enough to get you through this….

but can’t you see you are breaking my heart….

 

STOP IT!

JUST STOP!

You are not okay….

You are not fine…

We all see through the front you are putting up…

We are here to help you…

Why must you do this…..

Why can’t you just let us help?

 

No I will not leave you alone,

You can’t see yourself

The state you are in,

So just let me get you what you need….

And no it isn’t just a night’s rest,

or a cup of water…

YOU NEED HELP!

 

I’m not here to get you in trouble

And it hurts me that as I reach my hand out to help you shriek in fear

I don’t care what you did up until now,

Just let me help you…

Your life…your safety…isn’t worth your pride…

 

They’re here…

The lights have come,

As I see them enter and head your way a sigh of relief protrudes from my lips,

but yet this sense of satisfaction hasn’t arrived,

You are still in pain…

You are still fighting back…

And this moment stains my mind

It drags across my eyes as they bring you out…

Because I know that this moment will change you…

as it has changed me…

Except I won’t be the one waking up alone in a hospital bed….alone…

I won’t be the one who won’t remember what happened

or grasping at straws….

I will remember this night

Just like your friends will

just like your family will remember the pain of finding out later that you were sent to a hospital…

but we can’t tell them where…

 

You see what haunts me most isn’t that you did this to yourself….

it is the fact that you did this to everyone else around you…

that you were willing to hurt others in the name of having a good time…

so this pain…..this is on you….

yet……you won’t see that until later….

 

Just know we care…….

We wish you well….

 

So get well soon…

rest your eyes….

and learn from this….

please learn from this….

Why this blog?

So I decided to start this blog as a personal challenge. I am challenging myself to write 365 poems in a year…Why you may ask, well because poetry makes me happy and is one of those things that helps me stay sane. You may say it is an outlet for that that provides a way for me to express how I feel when simply speaking isn’t enough….so please feel free to comment and let me know how these make you feel, your stories, or just general thoughts. Thank you for visiting.