Signed Sincerely with Love(poem #13)

As I sit in my room,

Alone…

waiting for something magical to happen,

or a light-bulb to appear,

I know something is happening,

even if it is deep inside.

It is something beautiful,

yet it is scary,

and I don’t know how to react.

Because how do you tell someone that you are willing to drop everything to make them happy,

or that somehow no matter how far away they are you can still feel them,

and that no matter how you feel there is something that aches once they leave…

How do you tell them that…..

Or even worse how do you tell them that no matter what they did to you,

you forgive them…

but somehow you don’t want them anymore…

and that you need to move on with your life,

and that for some reason they aren’t going to be as big of a part of it…

and that no matter how bad it hurt you,

they did leave,

and you tried waiting for them,

but you can’t wait for a superhero,

because superheros aren’t real,

and they won’t come flying in to save you…

Because songs like these aren’t real,

the world tears you apart,

and takes the things you hold dear and shreds them,

just to show you that you can go on without them…

that somehow you were strong enough all along on your own,

and that you need to stop taking them in like medicine,

because you aren’t sick,

you are healthy and strong,

and you are the only thing holding you back.

So I would have followed you where you go,

but I can’t…

I just couldn’t do that for you….

I thought I could,

but I see now that I wasn’t supposed to,

and I guess why I am saying this, 

all these months later,

is because I have been to scared to say it before…

that maybe I am better off without you,

and that we weren’t meant to be like we thought…

But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you…

It just means that I need to care about me too,

and that sometimes the things that tastes the sweetest at the time are the things that are rotting us away…

So when you got on that plane,

and you flew away into your life…

just know I didn’t hold any resentment,

and that I did cry many tears,

because I knew in that moment that our life had said goodbye,

And that the next day when I awoke I cried even more,

because walking away from a three year relationship wasn’t something easy to do,

and neither was seeing the pictures of you in your dress blues….

So I respect you my dear,

and rightfully so,

but it’s time for me to say goodbye,

and both of us to let go…

Because my life is getting better now,

and I still wish you were here,

but as a friend not a lover,

but that is something I fear,

I fear you can’t handle that,

and that you will lose sight of what we are now….

because we never will be together again….

and we are over now.

So I salute you my soldier,

I applaud you honorable marine,

but please move on now,

go find what you need..

Because I found what I need,

And I am moving on with my life,

and I am learning what happiness is,

I’m learning what it means to live life…..

and that is what I want for you,

I want you to see,

the beauty in the flowers

and the smiles in the breeze…

Because you deserve happiness,

and you deserve love,

but that isn’t something I can give you,

I’m sorry.

Signed sincerely….with love.

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